Woke up this morning supposed to go to work, but I had this terrible cramping in my stomach. I know my coworkers have felt like I never come to work, but I have had mono, and it comes on really suddenly and just makes me feel like I can’t even get out of bed. I don’t know how I got this mess, I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a month and I never drink after people. They said that I probably just had a compromised immune system and picked it up in some public place. Regardless, I’ve had it for about 4 weeks and it’s kicking my butt! I’m sleeping all the time which is good, but I’m so exhausted that 12 hours a day does not seem like enough! I’m physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. Of course, my bible study teacher Mrs. Amy had the perfect idea in mind, “Fresh Faith.”
I was a little puzzled by this because I had never heard it before. She explained that “Fresh Faith” is when you get in a rut with your faith and it takes situations to get you to kind of start over, if that makes any sense. Anyway, this was so perfect for me because I need a complete fresh start! I have been having so much anxiety about moving that I forgot to consider that it’s just what I need. I will be able to start at a new church, a new school, new friends, keeping my boyfriend lol. I will be starting gymnastics again and that in itself will make me feel physically better and probably even emotionally. God is blessing this move because it will allow me to get “fresh faith.” Obviously I’m not saying that a move is what everyone needs, but I am saying that sometimes you have to get rid of everything that is holding you back. Just stop worrying and start new. Easier said than done right? I’m not telling you to run away from problems that you need to face, but some battles are not worth fighting, and sometimes you just need to walk away for a little bit and get a fresh perspective. I just want to start feeling better! Is that too much to ask?
It’s been a very frustrating couple of days. Seems like everyone is wearing my nerves. Even people I call close friends are just driving me crazy. I get to the point where I wish I could mute people because of how tired I am of hearing my name come out of their mouths. I feel like Cinderella sometimes. Do this, do that, go here, blah blah blah. Seems like everyone has a different agenda for my life and I just want control of my own life. I get to where I’m avoiding one of my friends at work because she is taking advantage of me. She keeps asking me to do her work for her. Another friend of mine is doing the same thing. She thinks that just because I have given her rides in the past that she can ask me to go out of my way for her. Don’t get me wrong, I promise I will go out of my way for people. I was the person in high school that would go an hour and a half out of my way to fit everyone that could in my tiny car and go to church because i fought for a bus ministry and no one ever did anything about it. However, this girl wanted me to wait an hour and a half for her with nothing to do and sit out in the hall while I saw my boyfriend for 2 hours! Talk about awkward. On top of that, I had to work in the morning and that would put me an hour later getting home. I did not write this to bash my friends, but it made me think.
Where do you draw the line between kindness and being taken advantage of? Matthew 10:16 KJV Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. In other words: Don’t let people trample you. Be wise to what they are trying to do, and if it is harmful to you, then God says that we need to keep away from those things. If these people are just being lazy and taking advantage of what you can give them, let go. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 KJV For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any man would not work, neither should he eat. Well, this verse brings up a whole new can of worms with me and the economy, but I won’t get on my soap box with that just yet. My point is, Be harmless and gentle. Be kind, but don’t let people be the wolves in your life because they will devour you. Be wise enough to discern these things.
Feeling anxiety about moving soon! God has called me not to be comfortable but to live on faith, and he sure has forced me to do that lately! I’m going to be leaving the only home I’ve ever known to grow up really really fast! I know God has this, but how do you keep your anxiety away and let your faith take hold? He is blessing this move and detaching me from everything that is keeping me here. I’m hoping it’s just hormones haha
Spent the weekend with this handsome man and his family! Climbed a mountain and got to know him better! We’ll be 6 months Feb. 5th! Love him :)